Being a wife to a veteran with PTSD

PTSD-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder- a mental health disorder that can come after a traumatic event, like abuse, war, or disaster. My brave husband served 3 tours overseas, 1 in Afghanistan and 2 in Iraq. He served as a Sergeant in the 101st Airborne. I'm proud of his service. I tear up every time I see or hear a news story about a veteran or active duty military person. It always gets to me. I know what he has sacrificed, I know the horrors that he relives, I know the anxiety and restlessness he deals with on a regular basis. My husband has PTSD. He has been going to counseling at the VA for CPT-cogntive processing therapy.  He has weekly assignments where he describes in-depth his triggers and how he felt during this particular parts of his past. He has a hard time being in large groups, it's sometimes difficult to watch firework displays, if we go out to eat he has to sit where we can see the exits and all the tables-he doesn't like having his back exposed. He doesn't have dramatic episodes where he "hits the deck" if he hears something loud. He is sometimes easily angered and frustrated. He sometimes has a hard time expressing his feelings. He has nightmares and is often restless at night. We've had a really great week and a couple really rough ones. You can't always control the triggers. I say all this so people have a better understanding when talking to and being around people that have PTSD. It may not be a veteran, someone who's experience combat, it may be a first responder-fire fighter/EMT, police officer, someone who's experienced any type of abuse. Veterans have sacrificed so much for us and our freedoms and at a great price. I wouldn't change this experience, I know in the end we will be a stronger and better couple for it. I just wish I knew exactly what to say or what to do. I often find myself just listening, being quiet and praying a lot (which is always a good thing, right?). I want him to know he is not alone, I want him to know how much he is loved, by so many people. I want him to know we will get through this together. I want him to know how much I care and cherish him. I want him to feel peace. I want him to turn to God throughout this process. I want him to get a good nights sleep. I want, I want, I want...God knows what we need and when we need it. It's amazing how often I need reminded of this. This is not more than we can handle. I sometimes feel defeated. But I don't have to be, I know He is here through it all, walking in the middle of us.

The Joys of Cooking and Baking

This weekend I spent a lot of time in the kitchen. I really generally enjoy it. That would be miserable to spend so much time in the kitchen if I didn't like it. I supposed that is why I do spend in there, it relaxes me and gives me a great sense of satisfaction knowing I made something healthy and nourishing for my family. Yesterday Carson and I made pumpkin spelt muffins. He's a great little helper in the kitchen. Today, I made homemade turkey noodle soup (yep, with Thanksgiving day leftover turkey). I used some chicken broth that I made previously and just thawed it from the freezer- about 4-5 cups. I diced up 4 celery stalks, 3 carrots, one white potato and about 1/4 of a box of whole-wheat rotini pasta. I added salt and pepper to taste with a touch of chili powder. I sauteed the celery and carrot first, then added the diced turkey and cooked pasta. I made sure the potatoes were small so they would cook fairly quickly. The end product was delicious! I made some homemade whole-wheat biscuits to go along with our soup. Later this afternoon I made some butternut squash soup. I baked the squash yesterday and had it waiting in the fridge. While I was thawing out broth for the turkey noodle soup, I got out another batch for the butternut squash soup. Then, my sweet tooth kicked in and I made some whole-wheat chocolate chip cookies. They turned out much better today than the last time I made them. There is a theme, whole-wheat. We've gotten really used to it and I can't really taste the difference any more. I know a lot of people are going wheat-free but I don't really feel like I have a reason to at this point. My stomach is far happier without additives, preservatives and artificial dyes and flavorings. I found a recipe for cinnamon struedel coffee cream so I adapted it for one cup of coffee I may tonight-a few drops of vanilla and almond extracts and 1 cinnamon stick. The original recipe calls for ground cinnamon to be added to whole milk and cream but I was in a rush.

Tomato Bisque

I decided to try my hand at a tomato bisque from the 100 Days of Real Food website. Here is the original recipe:

SERVES: 6 – 8

 

INGREDIENTS

• 4 tablespoons butter (we used unsalted)
• 1 onion, diced
• 2 slices bacon, proscuitto, or ham, minced
• 4 cloves garlic
• 5 tablespoons whole-wheat flour
• 5 cups chicken broth/stock
• 1 28-ounce can of whole, peeled tomatoes (with liquid) or about 5 – 6 medium-sized fresh tomatoes that have been boiled for 1 minute and then peeled…either way they need to be roughly chopped before using
• 3 parsley sprigs
• 3 fresh thyme sprigs
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 cup heavy cream (or less if desired)
• 1 teaspoon salt (or more if you are using unsalted homemade broth)
• Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Heat the butter in a large soup pot over medium-high heat. Add the diced onion and cook for about 5 – 6 minutes or until it starts to get soft.
2. Add the bacon (or other meat) and the garlic and stir for another minute or two or until the meat gets crisp.
3. Add the flour and stir vigorously for 2 – 3 minutes.
4. Pour in the broth and tomatoes and bring to a boil while whisking constantly.
5. Throw in the herbs and simmer on low heat for 30 minutes.
6. Remove the herbs and puree the soup either in a blender (in batches) or with a handheld immersion blender (if you like to make soups this is a great tool to have by the way!)
7. Stir in the desired amount of heavy cream and salt & pepper to taste. Serve warm.

I did not have fresh herbs so I used dried thyme and skipped the parsley. I liked having the thyme in the end result. I did use the bay leaf. I did not have any bacon on hand so I skipped that. We are also trying to eat less meat (but that is for another post). I also did not use heavy cream. I can't find any heavy cream that is organic and does not have carrageenan in it (an Irish moss that is known to cause intestinal inflammation-carrageenan). So instead I used almond milk. I also added probably 3-4 teaspoons of salt. The recipes from this website tend to be a little bland for my taste so I pretty much always add more seasoning than what it calls for. I used diced tomatoes instead of whole and cutting them. The final result was delicious! We also used Ezekial 4:9 organic sprouted bread along with raw organic mild cheddar cheese to make grilled cheese. It was great for an easy going Saturday night. Dan and Carson also gobbled it up. I stored the remaining soup in Mason jars and put 1 in the freezer, I ate the other jar tonight :)

Food Recipes

I was encouraged by my dear friend Elina to write about some recipes I've been trying out from 100 Days of Real Food. I've recently tried Butternut Squash Soup. The soup has turned out great but I have left out the leeks. I felt it was a little bland so I added salt and pepper to taste. It's worked well to blend the cooked squash prior to adding all the chicken stock. It's all come out with a much better flavor using homemade chicken stock. There is also a recipe for homemade chicken stock on the website. I have also tried the fruit muffins, they were a little dry and hard to get down. I have only made them once. The muffins I do keep making over and over again are the pumpkin spelt muffins. They are so moist and delicious, they also freeze great! I use the whole wheat biscuit pretty regularly and they are a favorite with Dan and Carson. Again, they freeze well.

Budgets

Dan and I have now committed to a much stricter budget due to a hike in some of student loans. We sat down yesterday to itemize our incoming and outgoing money. I combed through our bank statements to see where exactly our money has been going. It's amazing when you actually sit down and read through it all. It's so easy and convenient to whip out a debit or credit card and not really think about the deductions to your bank account. We have a much better idea of the amount we have after we have paid the necessities: mortgage, student loans, car insurance, car payment, charitable contributions, retirement/investments, internet and phone (although technically not a necessity), utilities, etc. In addition I am going to itemize each grocery trip to see how much things cost and where we can cut back. Being on a budget isn't a bad thing, it's good to be aware of where our money goes. I heard a preacher say if you wanted to see what your priorities are, just look at where your money goes. God calls us to be good stewards. Maybe we cut back on eating out, but that's better all around. We are still fairly young. I feel like the status quo forces us to want to live beyond our means and stretch ourselves so thin. Sometimes I feel like we should live in a nicer neighborhood and have a bigger house and I resent having so much student loan debt. But then I have to remind myself that God has continually provided. I have a home, a car, a job, food, etc. I am by no means poor by worldly standards. In the end, I think this will be a great time for us to be very conscientious and make more of an effort to be mindful of what God has entrusted to us.

Cutting out processed foods

I am not going to write exclusively about cutting out processed foods and trying to eat things more in their true to nature state. But I have found that I feel better and more satisfied by reducing the amount of processed foods Dan and I consume. I have been reading/following a blog 100 Days of Real Food with some good recipes and ideas on how to eat less processed food. So much of we eat is out of convenience that little thought is put into what goes into it. I am tired of eating preservatives and dyes and all kinds of excess foods that have gone through multiple processes to get into my mouth. I have switched to 100% whole wheat flour for when I do bake biscuits or make flour tortillas. I think people can become so obsessed or that it becomes more of a trend. I grew up eating non-organic and processed foods and I've been fine up until this point. I just wanted to give it a try and see if I noticed a difference. Some of the organic foods, an apple for example , taste more like an apple than non-organic. I haven't completely cut out processed foods, I still like to go to our local soft-serve ice cream  place weekly and some sweets now and then. I am learning to enjoy less process peanut butter which takes some getting used to since it is not nearly as sweet as what I am used. I am much more aware of what goes into our food and how our food is grown. I am enjoying however making new recipes like homemade whole wheat biscuits, flour tortillas, and corn bread. I am also looking forward to trying to make some homemade coffee creamer. Thankfully, Dan is on board and has been a really great sport about consuming some of my new recipes and flavors. So here's to trying something new!

Planning a Wedding

Dan and I are getting married in 6 months. We have been engaged for 5. Thus far I have found a dress, found a cake baker (my super talented cousin Jaime), a photographer, a florist and a preacher [that one was easy :)  We have found a venue for the ceremony and reception and an invitation template. We have compiled a nearly-complete guest list. My friend Elina has graciously offered to make cupcakes for the reception. I have found some cute ideas for ceremony and reception decorations. We have also booked our honeymoon and bought our plane tickets to Ft. Lauderdale for our cruise. Caribbean here we come!!

Amongst all the planning I am continually reminding myself that it is only ONE day. It's an incredibly special day, but ONE day. I can't justify spending a ton of money on one day. Throughout the ideas of the wedding I need to keep my focus on what is to come after Dan and I say "I do." The commitment, love, respect, forgiveness, grace, and submission that come along with those two words-with that ceremony of uniting ourselves together. It's so easy to get caught up in what everyone else will see-the ceremony decorations, the flowers, the reception tables....I won't be looking at those when I am standing up there pledging myself to honor and cherish Dan-he will hold my attention. While I want to create a special scene for the wedding, I need to spend more time on my heart in preparation for what is to come. A continual devotion with time with my Lord first before anything else. I cannot be a loving and faithful wife to Dan if I am an unfaithful daughter. I can't learn anything new unless I go back to the one who created me. I am in constant need of that reminder, those daily practices and spiritual disciplines.