Finances

Money is something we all need to make it through this world because of the way our society operates. As a recent working adult I've had to learn how to budget my finances and understand some of the struggle behind doing what is necessary and what I want. We don't like talking about money. I don't know what I expected things to be like once I started working and all my school loans came in. I have an amazing opportunity to have a job that I love and that is pretty much exactly what I want for my career. There's one drawback: money; paying back my current employer for the bonus I received if I leave before next October. It's an awful situation, the stress is continually building and I need to decide: do what I love and be even more financially strapped or stay where I am, doing "OK" every day and maintaining my meager lifestyle. Part of me believes there is a reason for all of this; if I leave, I will be exercising my faith that God is going to continue to provide and my finances really aren't "my finances" They are His. Or if I end up staying I will view myself as making the "responsible decision" and toughing it out. I sometimes have this mentality that I need to do things that are hard or challenging just to prove I can do it, it's very selfish and conceited. I feel like I have to prove myself to myself. I don't know where this idea comes from. So here I am, contemplating back and forth. Then I realize that that is no way to decide. So I pray and ask God where he wants me and what He wants for me. I do not want my decision to be guided by money or "sucking it up" at my current job. But where does God want me to be?